Happy Birthday, My Love

Well, today's the day! Here's my goal; I'VE REACHED IT!!! Really, though, there was no doubt that I wouldn't - it was just a matter of timing....
In case you didn't guess, today is his birthday. He is exactly 82 days older than me. I lost sleep last night because I wanted to write a note on my phone saying, "Exactly 14 years ago, Arien (using his real name) was born. Happy birthday, my love," at 4:04 AM - I woke up at 3:51 and couldn't go back to sleep until about 4:35 or even later...
So, today, for his birthday, I sent him an ecard. Just one of those fun things that you can find on 123Greetings.com. It wasn't a big deal, but I thought he might like it. Then I wished him another happy birthday at 11:02 AM and talked with him continuously for exactly 2 hours and 28 minutes (we beat the record, if you didn't notice!!!)
He said a lot of things that made me happy, we laughed a lot, and just had a great time. Now, if only I could see him again....
BTW, I should mention that I asked him whether or not he would go to stake dances now (in our religion, we're divided up into wards, stakes, regions, etc.) that he was 14, and he said probably not, since he doesn't really know anybody very well (the girls, that is) in his stake! He also said that if we were at school, he would go, but it's the stake.
Am I happy? Yes, very much so :)

Since this is the last post that I am planning to write on this blog (considering the fact that I reached my "goal", which was to plan every song lyric out in every post and end the blog on his birthday), I'll leave with a beautiful YouTube video that someone made along with this beautiful song that has led me and guided me this whole way: ~E~N~C~H~A~N~T~E~D~ by Taylor Swift

Thank you so much for coming to my blog. I might post once in a while, but they will most likely be few and far in between. As for now, so long!

PS He's been fourteen for 12 hours and forty minutes! ;)

Please Don't Be in Love with Someone Else. Please Don't Have Somebody Waiting On You...

And here it is: the finishing lines of this amazing, beautiful song. Speaks my mind completely; takes the words out from my lips. This is my dying wish. I just hope that, if he does love me, he'll wait for me until I see him again.
The following paragraphs are ones that I wrote a while back; I was having a momentary overflowing wave of emotion and love for Arien, and I thought that you might want to read it. BTW, I never sent this to him, I just wrote it as if I was writing it to him.


"All right, that's it. I love him. Arien, I love you. Soooo much. I love how you're always so polite, how you concern yourself with my life and are just so open to me. I love how you're OK with the fact that we don't talk at ALL at school, yet every day, after school, we talk and catch up. I love how you'll laugh at my little wisecracks and how you're so friendly. I love how we have those little inside jokes that some others wouldn't totally understand. I love how kind you are, I love how open-minded you are, I love how ACCEPTING you are, and I love how amazing you are. I love your beautiful sea-green eyes, your neatly cut blond hair, and your smile. I love how you think that every one's opinion matters, and how you watch out for me if it seems like there's something wrong. I love how we have so much in common, but just the right amount of differences, so we can introduce each other to new things. I love your little sister, and how she's so much like you. I love your talents, and how you're so modest when they're applauded. I love how you're obedient and mindful of what is best for you and your future. I love how you know what you want to do and work to make it happen. I love how you know what you're doing with your life.

I could go on and on, but I won't bore you to death, so, simply put, I love you. Soooo much. That's why it kills me to see ANY girl talk to you, or worse, get close to you. That's why I'm so jealous of the people who have known you for all your life. That's why I don't want to think about the day I'll have to let you go."

This Night is Flawless; Don't You Let it Go. I'm Wonder-Struck; Dancing Around All Alone.

This will be one of the shortest posts you will ever see on this blog, but here it is: have I ever mentioned that with the chats I've had with Arien regarding dancing that followed a dance that we attended earlier, no matter where I swerve the subject, he'll always bring it back to the dance, and what I did there. My mom thinks that if he does like me, and keeps asking about the dance, and how I liked it, then he probably wants to know who I danced with, and possibly, who I even like (if he needed any clarification at the time). Plus, if he's shy, and doesn't want to be obvious, then what better way to find something out than beating around the bush about it? But, if he doesn't like me.... well, my mom couldn't figure out why he would keep asking me about the dance.
Now that I look back on it, though, with this knowledge, I feel bad that I didn't really help him out with his questions - didn't really give him any hints to indicate an answer that he would have been looking for.
I wish I could have danced with him...

"I'll spend forever wondering if you knew I was ~E~N~C~H~A~N~T~E~D~ to meet you."

This Night is Sparkling; Don't You Let it Go. I'm Wonder-Struck; Blushing All the Way Home.

I'm getting sloppy here, I'm posting posts that are supposed to be posted the day before. Better catch on quick, if I want to make my goal!
"Goal, what goal?" you may be asking (sorry, I just came from a church activity, and one of the ladies there is just amazing! I love her sooo much, and whenever I spend time with her, I absorb some of her silly, goofy, dramatic, optimistic energy and it lasts for a couple of hours after that). Well, unless my memory is serving me incorrectly today, I have not mentioned my goal yet, nor will I tell you what it is until I meet it (don't worry, you'll find out in a couple of days!).
Today, I'm not going to write anything that is pertaining to this title post, but it will pertain to Arien (obviously - why wouldn't it??).
It's just that.... I miss him. So much. Too much, in fact. At least I know that it's the summer, and I'm not really going to be able to see anybody as often as I'd like, so that helps a bit, but I don't want to know what I'll have to do when the school year starts up again, and knowing that every time I pass by his locker, there will be no way I can see him; every time we have a school dance, he'll be nowhere to be found; and I'll never be able to go through the halls and randomly see him pass by, or even tap me on the shoulder to talk, if he's got the time. Not for another year and 2 and a half months, that is.

"I'll spend forever wondering if you knew..."

Please Don't Be in Love with Someone Else; Please Don't Have Somebody Waiting On You...

Arien is naturally a quiet, shy guy. So, whenever I see him talk to girls that he seems to be really close friends with (so far, I've counted four), I get extremely jealous (really, though, who wouldn't?). And, every single one of these girls, I've suspected that he liked before I got over the fact that he didn't. I'll call them Bianca, Lauren, Mira, and Kristie. I was able to get over Bianca because I realized that the reason why he was such good friends with her is because that he's known her for absolutely ever. Lauren, because she was his best friend's crush. Mira, because she was just an annoying little brat (sorry, I never did like her) and the pieces just didn't seem to fit. Kristie, because it never seemed like he liked her, but I have a feeling that it was the other way around. Overall, though, I talked to my mom about all of this, and she said to me that from what she knew about Arien (from what I had told her), he seemed like a shy person, so she didn't think that he would step out of his comfort zone around somebody that he liked. That (Number 1) made a lot of sense and (Number 2) made me happy, because no matter how friendly he and I are online, he's always very shy around me.
I'm going to ask a question now. Do you think he likes me?

"Please don't be in love with someone else;
Please don't have somebody waiting on you..."

These Are the Words I Held Back As I Was Leaving Too Soon:

Let me back up to the last day of the school year.
When the bell rang, we all rushed outside and Tia (code-name) and I were standing near the bus, shedding a few tears as we were hugging another best friend of mine. After we climbed onto the bus, I saw a the majority of my classmates all scattered about underneath the big tree at the front of our school giving out hugs and goodbyes and taking pictures. Arien was out there, obviously, since those people out there were a part of his clique, so I (impulsively) decided to run off the bus and hug some of my good friends and just be with them a bit. As I was hugging Reese (name has been changed), Arien was just a couple of feet away from me, hugging a friend of his. As he let go at the same time that I let go, I quickly made a decision. I gave him a high-five and said, "Have a great summer, Arien." (I used his real name, of course.)
I've left you wondering, now, haven't I? I could have hugged him, but that decision I made was to not hug him.
Why? Well, as much as I wanted to, I thought that maybe I shouldn't, since he's so shy, and he's knows that I like him (along with quite a few of his friends). He may not have wanted that attention. Also, for a split second after we let go of the people that we were hugging, he turned away slightly, almost as if he didn't want a hug, and was trying to avoid it. So, I didn't give him a hug.
Sometimes I wonder if I should have told him that I was enchanted to meet him. I don't know. Maybe I'll get a chance in the future. Who knows?

"I was ~E~N~C~H~A~N~T~E~D~ to meet you."

My Thoughts Will Echo Your Name Until I See You Again.

Need I really say anymore? I think about him every single split second of the day; he's the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last face I see before I fall asleep. I know that as a teenager, this will sound pretty funny and rather absurd, but I love him so much. Every thing he does for me, and just the person he is, leaves me speechless. It's so easy to make him laugh, and he does the same for me. He encourages me to be the best person that I can be, and is always concerned if it seems like something is going wrong. He's so sincere, polite, gentle, caring, sweet, shy, and just soooo wonderful. We have so much in common, and even though we're not exactly "friends" to the public, we know so much about each other. It's amazingly easy to talk to him, and whenever something happens in my life - apart from my friends - he's the guy I want to tell, because I know he will really care, even if it's something just so trivial. If I think of something funny, I want to tell him. If I found out that something great is happening to me, I want to tell him.
I just realized something. Turns out, whenever something really awful has happened to me, and I announced it publicly (for example, my grandfather passed away a few months ago, and I posted the news on Facebook), he was the first to give his condolences. I feel like he'll always be there for me - as a friend or something more - whenever I need him.

And This is Me Praying That This Was the Very First Page; Not Where the Story Line Ends.

I don't think I've ever really told anybody, not even my best friends, about exactly why I love this song so much. Well, maybe I can begin to right here, right now.
Ever since I first heard this song, I knew that this was about him and me. Somehow, I've thought (and still think it) that this was.... almost a prophecy of what was going to happen between us. I wanted, so badly, to perform this song at our End-of-Year Talent Show, but, I received a sore throat the week of the tryouts. I guess that, maybe, I wasn't supposed to sing it to him for the last year he would be here at our school, but I don't know, and I guess I'll never know.
Whenever I find a song I absolutely adore, I imagine and plan out how I would perform it if I were the singer of this song at a concert - from the changing of clothes to the actions to the lights, I'll just think of how I could make it perfect. Maybe I got a bit carried away with my dreams, but I even thought of how I would piece it all together if I were going to make this song into a music video. To point out the very specific parts, however, I envisioned the last day of school, coming out of the building, and watching him with his friends, just laughing and spending some time together before they boarded the school bus that was going to take him away from me.
I've always been praying that this year was just the very first page of our story, and that it doesn't end here. At first, when the knowledge of him going to another school the following year was just a rumor, I was hoping so hard that he wouldn't have to leave, but, even though he has left, I'm just so glad that I'm lucky enough to be able to see him in high school. I don't want to know how crushed and devastated I would have been on the last day of school - and even now - if I knew that I was never going to see him again. That would just be too much.

That This Night is Flawless; Don't You Let it Go. I'm Wonderstruck; Dancing Around All Alone.

I suppose that since this post title mentions "dancing around all alone", I'll recollect the story of the dance pact.
Our school principal was new to our school this year, and (apparently because of our lack of attendance) he decided to ban the school dances. Since I skipped a grade, this was to be my first year in middle school, and one of the things I was looking forward to the most in middle school was - you guessed it - the dances. So, obviously, I was terribly upset that we weren't going to have any, but, through the intercourse of a school fundraiser that we host every year, we were able to gain a Valentine's dance. Maybe it was because I was on the school newspaper or because he knew that I was disappointed at first at the ban of the dances, but (if my memory serves me well) the first chat conversation I ever had with Arien was with him asking me a question about the dances. From then on, until the last dance, nearly every one of our chats would cover the topic of dances at least once.
Remember the time when I had an hour and forty minute chat conversation with him? Well, during that time, we had been talking about the dances, and how he was rather shy to ask anybody to dance. Since I knew him well enough that he was too shy to boldly ask someone to dance with him, I decided to. I said, "Well, then, if there's another dance, do you want to dance with me?". This was after our Valentine's dance, and our principal had hinted to the fact that since we had behaved so well, we might have another dance. Arien had agreed, with an exclamation point, so I knew that he really was OK with it. Happy ending, right? Unfortunately, no. After a couple weeks had passed by, something strange happened between us. Admittedly, I don't ever remember what was going on, but for some reason, we weren't exactly speaking to each other like we used to. Maybe that was the time that he started putting two and two together (meaning that he might have started figuring out that I liked him), I don't know, but whatever it was, it was quite awkward. I decided to email him and "call off" the pact, something that I really regret doing now, because I can see a bigger picture of the situation right now than I saw then. My reason for doing this, though: I was really afraid that he didn't want to dance with me and had just agreed to my offer because he wanted to be nice. Plus, if it was still awkward between us when the dance did arrive, what would we do? I was scared to find out.
To tell you of what happened at the dance, well, I felt like crying when the first partner dance came on, with the song "Two is Better Than One" by Boys Like Girls - I listen to that song all the time (it's a duet) and I've dreamed that maybe, someday, I could sing that with him, so to have to bear the fact that I couldn't dance with him for that one special song.... well, perhaps you can imagine how I felt. I ended up having to dance with another boy (a friend of mine who has a crush on me) for that song, so I plastered on a fake smile and tried not to cry. For the second and final partner dance, one of my best friends literally tried to push me over to Arien to ask him to dance, but I just couldn't. Another boy who I had briefly met before, but really didn't know him at all, asked me to dance, so I accepted, and watched Arien talk and laugh with his friends all the while. Don't worry, I did hold a pleasant conversation with the boy named Rick (name changed), but it was.... a day that I wish I really could relive and change.

"I'll spend forever wondering if you knew I was ~E~N~C~H~A~N~T~E~D~ to meet you."

This Night is Sparkling; Don't You Let it Go - I'm Wonderstruck; Blushing All the Way Home.

If you'll notice, the post's title is slightly different from the last post whose title is the same. Well, it would be quite the mix-up if both posts had the exact same URl, so, I just took the liberty of changing the punctuation a bit. It's still correct, I assure you!

Let me name another time where I've felt so wonderful about Arien. Namely, tonight.
You see, we started chatting again tonight, and we haven't for a few days. I was pretty happy tonight, but tried not to let it show through my words. My little brother has both heard of and met Arien, but has never really "talked" to him until today. They have A LOT in common (so does my dad and Arien - they're personalities are also similar in their own way). Sometimes, it scares me how much Arien and my dad/little brother have in common.
In fact, MLB (my little brother) was would talk to Arien, and I would type it up for him and send it to him. MLB commented that it would be cool if he and Arien were related, so I typed that up and told that to Arien. Once I had sent it, however, I realized how that must have sounded (remember, Arien knows I like him!) - in order for MLB and Arien to be related..... yeah, I'm thinking you get the gist. Makes me wonder what Arien thought of that.... anyways, though, if Arien and I were to start dating in high school, I think he would get along really well with both MLB and my dad - that is, if my dad doesn't murder him for dating me first.
Sorry, this isn't really related to the song line, but I had to tell a story. Although, if I want to relate to blushing.... well, here's this: I've always thought that I couldn't blush easily, and it's really hard to get me strongly embarrassed; I take things really easily. So, my friend Derek (name has been changed) was able to guess that I like Arien - Derek has known Arien for EVER - and he started asking me a lot of questions and was just basically teasing me about him. He then commented that it was really easy to get me to blush, which surprised me, because I hadn't even realized that I was blushing. Guess I was wrong!

And Now I'm Pacing Back and Forth, Wishing You Were at My Door - I'd Open Up and You Would Say...

Considering all that has happened this evening (I was talking to one of my best guy friends, and he's known Arien since the first grade, so he's been able to answer quite a few of my questions, both today and in the past), I suppose I might was well tell you about suspicions on whether or not Arien actually likes me back.
So. There are plenty of signs that I have seen, such as with him looking my way often, him initiating a chat conversation frequently (though he won't speak to me at all the next day), and other indications that are a bit hard to exactly elaborate at this moment.
My three best friends ever say that he probably likes me; considering the fact that he's so shy, he might feel more comfortable speaking to me across a computer screen rather than try to find exactly what he wants to say when he's just a couple of feet away from me. Granted, we have spoken when we were six inches away from each other, but that was in the dark (long story, but we were in a Star Trek simulation and the power "went out") which made it easier to converse. Of course, it's really hard for me to talk to him face-to-face as well, yet I don't know whether that is because somehow, I've become shy myself, or if it's because I don't want to make him uncomfortable. Also, the aforementioned best guy friend says that if he's acting that way around me, he probably likes me, and I might just take his word for it.
I just wish, though, that - since Arien knows I like him - he would just come forth and confess. That way, I don't have to keep wondering and worrying over every single girl he's friends with or comfortable around. So, every single second of the day, I wonder, "Does he like me back? If not, will he ever...?"

"It was ~E~N~C~H~A~N~T~I~N~G~ to meet you.
All I know is I was ~E~N~C~H~A~N~T~E~D~ to meet you..."

The Lingering Question Kept Me Up. 2 AM: "Who Do You Love?" I Wonder Till I'm Wide Awake...

Every night, this entire school year, if Arien had done something that day that had made me just all giddy and happy inside - whether it was at school or via the internet - I would lie down in my bed, just wondering.... wondering who he loves, if anyone.
I know that I've even stayed up til 1 AM merely thinking about him.... only one more hour!
This is a short post, I know, but this line itself is fairly self-explanatory.

This Night is Sparkling; Don't You Let it Go. I'm Wonderstruck; Blushing All the Way Home.

This line isn't solely applicable to just one point in my time with Arien, but applicable to multiple times. For the sake of repetitiveness and generality, I'll try to narrow some events down so I can dwell on the most special ones.
In the last few months, Arien would happen to be on his Gmail account at the same time as I would be (he checks it just about as frequently as I do, which is a lot) and he or I - but it was usually him - would initiate a chat conversation with the other. To pinpoint a special moment, one evening, we had been talking, just to get to know each other, and it was a pleasant conversation. I suppose we got carried away, however, because the entire chat lasted for about 1 hour and 40 minutes total. We even had to stop and take a break so I could eat dinner and he could work on his Science homework - we both agreed that we would be ready to talk again in 20 minutes. We had even gone so far as to make a pact that for the next school dance, when the slow dances came on, we would be each other's dance partner. Admittedly, that fell through, but that is another different story to tell at a different time. That night was absolutely amazing - I honestly don't know what I would give to relive that night over and over again.

"I'll spend forever wondering if you knew I was ~E~N~C~H~A~N~T~E~D~ to meet you."

The Playful Conversation Starts, Counter All Your Quick Remarks like Passing Notes in Secrecy...

When Arien first joined Facebook - in December - oh, my goodness, we would talk like CRAZY on that social networking site. For nearly every one of my statuses, he would either "like" it or comment on it (for those of you who have a Facebook, you should understand). There was even this one time where we were holding our own single conversation on my status, and it ended with me giving him my email address so he could send the story that he had written (he hadn't finished it, but he was giving me what he had at the time) to me. At the time, I was so happy, because - slowly - we were getting to know each other better and better. Unfortunately, though, my mother banned me from Facebook at the beginning of January to the beginning of February, so our single conversations were put to an end (they were never initiated again).

"And it was ~E~N~C~H~A~N~T~I~N~G~ to meet you.
All I know is I was ~E~N~C~H~A~N~T~E~D~ to meet you..."

Your Eyes Whisper, "Have We Met?" Across the Room Your Silhouette Starts to Make Its Way to Me...

To tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, this line is probably the most inaccurate line of this entire song. But, it works.
Remember how I said that when I first saw Arien, I felt like he was the guy that I had been waiting for? Well, maybe his eyes didn't whisper, "Have we met?" but I know that my thoughts did. In fact, I remember I used to dream of my mystery guy and that on my first day of school, I would meet him, and somehow, he would recognize me, somehow. You know, maybe he had had one of those kinds of "visions" that tell you that this person that you've never met before, but you will, is the right one. Yes, it was wishful thinking, and a lot of it, but that was all I had left to hold on to.
I just thought of something. You might be wondering if I recognized him when I first saw him. To answer your question, nope. Not one bit. I had never dreamed of him, and hadn't really tried to picture what he was going to be like. Admittedly, though, he didn't turn out AT ALL the way of what little I imagined him to be. I had no idea that he was going to be the school genius, that he was going to be a Ute fan (I'm a major BYU fan, by the way, and that was a bit hard for me to accept at first), or that he was going to be so similar to me in so different ways. I had no idea that anything that happened between me and him this year was GOING to happen, but hey, what's the fun in knowing?

Walls of Insincerity, Shifting Eyes, and Vacancy Vanished When I Saw Your Face...

To continue on from yesterday's post, last year, while I was bullied, I was pretty insincere about things. Not necessarily sarcastic, you know, but not open, not willing to trust as much, and kind of said, "Yeah, uh-huh" when things were spoken my way. I still tried to help others, but I was beat down for it, so I didn't as much.
On the first day of school (again), we were to get into these groups of our own and discuss a book that had been assigned over the summer to these students, but I was excused from that since, well, I wasn't there for it. So when the kids chose their friends to talk to, I was kind of alone, just looking around, and wasn't sure of what to do. Admittedly, it wasn't him who opened up to me and invited me into the group, but I definitely know that when I first saw him, it was basically love at first sight (I know, that sounds so cliché). Somehow I knew that he was the guy that I had been looking for, the guy that I knew was going to help bring me out of all the troubles and worries and the darkness that I had been living in for so long.

"All I can say is it was ~E~N~C~H~A~N~T~I~N~G~ to meet you..."

There I was Again Tonight, Forcing Laughter, Faking Smiles, Same Old Tired Lonely Place...

I skipped seventh grade, so I went straight from sixth grade to eighth grade, but there's a (long) explanation for that: I used to live in CA, so when I moved here after the end of my fourth grade year in CA, I would have advanced on to fifth grade, but here, the deadline is different from CA, and since I missed the deadline by 9 days.... well, some people that work in the school district said I could go ahead to fifth grade, but my mom and I decided that maybe I should repeat fourth grade, so I wouldn't be the youngest of the class, and also so I could get caught up with all the Utah Studies (since I didn't learn that in CA, obviously). As the sixth grade year was slowing down, however, I felt bored, like I wasn't being challenged enough. Plus, all of my classmates were really immature (that's what happens when you're a year behind) and I felt like they would never take me seriously (maybe I should mentioned I was pretty majorly bullied, but hardly anyone took notice? Yeah. That took up about 50% of the reason why I wanted to skip a grade - I didn't want to have to deal with them for another year).
Anyways, so, when I arrived on my second day at middle school (there's a first day open to just seventh graders so that they can get a feel for the school and their new environment, so I decided to go that day) and met my first class full of eighth graders, I felt a bit.... fake. Like I was just pretending. I move around a lot, and I'm kinda used to making new friends, but, you know, it's always lonely at the very beginning. You try to blend in at first, but it doesn't totally work until somebody opens up to you.

~E~N~C~H~A~N~T~E~D~

Hi there. As you can see, my name is Calantha (actually, it's a codename - and I'll just go by Cala from now on), and I'm a teenage girl who's in love with two things: a wonderful boy and the aforementioned song. First, let me inform you of a few things before I really jump into the song itself.
We'll call him Arien, since that's my best friends' and my codename for him, and it means "enchanted" in Hebrew. If you don't know his name, then you would never be able to guess it.
Arien is amazing. Every single word in this song describes my experience with him. You should know that we've never been an "item". Ever. I don't even know if he likes me back (yeah, he knows I like him - love through a grapevine, you know?). Now that the school year has ended, he's going to a different school, and I won't see him for a full year and three months (unless, through school activities, we happen to cross paths).
Now, I'll take you through every single word uttered in this song through each post and reveal a little more about him to you.
Thanks for being here.
Enjoy.